


Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy

by UK1FR0G



Series: Fragments of the Lost [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Character Death, F/F, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Other, Past Abuse, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:15:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29626893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UK1FR0G/pseuds/UK1FR0G
Summary: "The lights knew something that you didn't. If you could have asked them, they would give you the answers however lights don't speak. They only see."
Series: Fragments of the Lost [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2176815





	1. 360

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING:  
> HOMOPHOBIC SLURS. PROCEED WITH CAUTION,

You remember the first day you saw him, how your heart had fluttered at the sound of his boisterous laughter. The way your hand's received abuse from your fingers as they dug into the skin, leaving soft crescent-shaped marks. 

Of course, you hadn't mustered up the courage to speak to him, giving subtle glances of interest now and then. Today you can remember the faint smell of sweat and bitter alcohol spilling from red cups. 

The next time you had seen him he leaned against a wall, smoking a cigarette and holding it delicately between two fingers. Taking a sharp turn towards the corner away from him, you slammed into the wall with a large thud. The bruise on your forehead didn't fade for weeks but that was okay because he had rushed to your side and smiled.

"That was brutal, are you trying to kill yourself?" The boy chuckled.

"Say the one holding a cigarette." You mumbled, rubbing your forehead in a lackluster attempt to numb the throbbing. 

"Oh, that's funny." He said monotonously, before throwing the cigarette on the floor and stomping the buds of flame out with his boot. 

"I'm a funny person." You snapped back, before realizing the situation. With a grunt, you lifted yourself from the floor and dusted your pants of dirt. 

"Or so you say." He ran his fingers through his hair, dramatic roots of white poking from beneath the dirty blonde.

Before you could reply, the school bell above you both had given a blaring scream, signaling the beginning of class. You scattered around like a lost kitten and grabbed your things. You could hear the boy behind you yelling something behind you, that still to this day you can't understand.  
A few weeks later Charlotte had pressured you into attending a party with her friends. You dreaded it, knowing her friends would use you as the butt of the joke as they did. You stood in the corner with a can of Pepsi, your shoulders spiked with unease. 

From the other side of the room, you could hear two people arguing, a crowd quickly forming around them. 

"What the fuck did you say to me?" You could hear one voice argue

"You deaf? I said you would never amount to anything other than becoming an employee at Orange Julius and slinging juice for lame teenage girls like there's no tomorrow." Another voice, familiar, spoke.

Quickly shoving yourself through multiple bodies, you reached the face of the crowd and could see the two spitting insults at each other.

One of them had a face-splitting grin, while the other face was red and could burst at any minute. You could tell who this situation was affecting.

"Who even invited you here? Anyone who has a brain knows not to invite your crazy ass here, especially after the Christmas party."

"That was in 1998, let's leave that in the past, Lucas."

"That was a MONTH ago." Lucas hissed, "and you still haven't paid me back for that vase."

"I'm only here because your parents have good whiskey, don't think I'm here for fun." 

"Yeah right, your faggot ass is probably going to try and make out with me again. You're a fucking freak, Ace."

At that moment it felt like the world stopped spinning on its axis. People leaned over and whispered to one another, Lucas displaying a snarky grin on his face. Ace stood frozen in his place, any confidence he had prior had shredded away with Lucas' words.

The same boy with the chuckle that had melted you the first time you heard it had grabbed a mug from the counter and banged it violently against Lucas' skull. You watched as he became animalistic, throwing punches and kicks violently, despite the brunette's protests and cries of fear. Someone pulled Ace off of him, and he looked at you with a blank stare.

You're pretty sure that if you dug up those old kicks you were wearing that day, small spots of blood would still be on your shoes. 

After that day he didn't go to school for a couple of weeks, but rumors were spreading. On February 23rd you met someone important.


	2. Pink of the Night

It was weird how you never noticed her before the 23rd, anyone with eyes would have noticed a girl like that. She sits in the back of your English class, her head popping up behind all of the rest. She wears dramatic clothing, looking like she was thrown out of the seventies. 

You recently were assigned as partners for a literary project. The two of you were smashed together like twins in the womb at a tiny desk near the corner of the room. She, of course, did most of the talking while you scribbled notes onto a crumpled piece of paper. Her name is Amai and she used to live in Florida, before, "Leaving that lame fuckhole and ditching it for Cali." 

You hardly even raised your head to look at her, which may have been rude at the moment, but today you're pretty sure she was thankful for that. She would continue to blabber her mouth about mistakes in your history textbooks and how redcoats were dicks.

Eventually, she did make a comment that earned a laugh from you, and you raised your face to look at her. She froze for a second and all blood drained from her face. You studied her face too, quickly realizing something. She shared the same face as someone who you watched brutally attack a teenager, however, her face seemed younger in a way. It also seemed familiar.  
"You look like my cousin." She quickly choked, "Yeah definitely."

Your head tilted to the side, "You look exactly like-"

"I know, I know that's how twins work, Dillon." Color returned to her face with a soft chuckle, "Unfortunately, god decided to let out mama squeeze one more baby out of her." 

That's right, that's your name. It sounds like it was designed by a ten-year-old with way too much time on his hands. You can remember a little bit more now.

"We've been tight since the womb. Being a twin is like having a best friend at birth, it's sick!" Something you noticed is that whenever she speaks, she also does so through her hands. 

"I don't have any siblings, I mean that any I know about." You spoke in a hushed tone, noticing heads turning around to stare at you both.

"Oh shit, you a foster baby too? Or were you adopted by a white ass family?" Amai placed her face extremely close to yours, the tips of your noses nearly touching.

"Adopted." You say quickly, pushing your chair back behind you. 

"That's sick. Here!" She writes a number messily onto your skin, the ink staining against the tan. "Call me anytime, you're kinda cute!"

After that, both of you headed back to your desks. Your face stayed pink for the rest of class as she shot you continuous winks.  
In the weeks that followed, the entirety of your senses was filled with Amai. She was tucked behind every street corner, sitting in the back of every theater, or even quietly scribbling nonsense into her journal on your bed. 

Some nights, whenever Rebecca was onto a new diet trend, she would crawl through your window and sneak you coca-cola and big macs. Quickly, Amai Morner became one of the most important people in your life. The two of you would sleep soundly, surrounded by memorabilia she collected. 

She is your best friend.


	3. Drunk Walk Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING:  
> In this chapter there is a use of homophobic slurs and implied alcohol abuse. Please proceed with caution.

March 9th, 1999. You were carefully shutting your window as excited hushed whispers emerged from the old Nissan. Boots hit the grass with a small thud and continue to make noise throughout your quick journey into the car. The car door opens and you see a seemingly deceased boy in the front seat. 

"Is-Is he dead?" Your voice quivers

"Not yet. Hop in, hot stuff." Your eyes linger onto the familiar face, his dirty blonde hair now covered in white roots. His eyeliner was smudged around his eyes, any previous color in his face was replaced by yellowish pale.

The car ride to the hospital was quiet, Amai looked unfazed and hardly worried. 

"Are you even sure he's still alive? He looks sick, like really sick." Your voice quivers with your words, slightly disgusted with the possibility of your best friend whisking around her dead brother's body around.

"He doesn't die if God wanted to kill him he'd be dead by now." Amai replies quickly, "Dumbass got alcohol poisoning. I told him to not take shit from the weirdos on MereBerry." She murmurs, slapping Ace's unresponsive face.  
You flinch slightly at the noise, looking down at your shoes. The lights had felt weird today, guilty. The lights knew something that you didn't. If you could have asked them, they would give you the answers however lights don't speak. They only see.

Amai had left the car for a brief moment, to see if the ER would take her brother. You remember sitting alone in the car, only with your thoughts. 

Is he even alive? What if he's dead, he can't be dead. What did I eat for breakfast today? Feed it. What if I killed him right now. 

A large groan emitted from the boy, making you jump back. The squeaky sound of the leather against your jeans made him quickly whip his head to stare at you. The two of you stayed in a quiet gaze for a minute, before he leaned in close to your face.

His pupils were dilated, which was something you noticed. The subtle brown in his eyes was eating away at the green, and you just couldn't stop staring. Gently, he placed his hands onto your face, your breathing becoming shakey and threatening to break the silence.

Your jaw immediately clenched up, every single part of your body screaming at you to go. His hands traced around the corners of your eyes, picking at the skin surrounding it. 

"God, you're so new." Ace's voice slurred as he spoke, "I don't want to break you." 

get out.

"You won't." slipped from your mouth

"You're not like the others. You're different."

"Is that what you say to all the boys? Like Lucas." 

"Only the pretty ones." 

This isn't right.

He moved closer to you, you can smell the alcohol on his breath. 

Faggot.

You didn't move away.

You aren't supposed to like this.

He kissed you.

You're disgusting.

You kissed back.


	4. First Love/ Late Spring

Amai banged on the car doors loudly, pressing her face against the glass with a grin, "You guys giving each other blow jobs or something?" She asked with a giggle.

Ace leaned back into his seat and grumbled something at her that neither of you could understand. He rubbed his temples and swore to himself in a language you couldn't quite understand.

She slipped back into the car with ease, a goofy grin on her face.

"Well, looks like you don't need those wack-jobs at the hospital to heal you up, just some sister smooches!" Amai kissed all around his face, despite Ace's protest, "You feeling better?" She teased as he shoved her off of him

"Shut up, I want to go to the lake." He said angrily, "If I'm going to die, I'm going to die somewhere pretty."

You chewed the inside of your cheek and looked down at your knees. She didn't see you guys, and If she did she wouldn't mention it. 

"You sure you want to? You're quite literally going to freeze your balls off." Ace nodded his head, "Okay, fine."

"The lake? I don't even have shorts." 

"You think we're wearing clothes?" Ace mutters

You throw your head back against the leather as the twins begin to laugh at you hysterically, "Stop." You replied with a grin appearing across your face as well.  
"You don't have to strip, your ass looks fine in just the jeans." Amai says slyly, right before you throw an old hula doll at her face, "OW FUCK YOU!" 

The three of you giggled like children, throwing insults around that only a kindergartner would threaten to use. The lake comes into view and the city lights fade away, replaced by faint lights from the inside of homes. 

Amai gives a sigh and smiles, drifting easily on the road.

She eventually parks the car alongside the road and slips off her clear sandals, chucking them outside the window with a grin. Ace tosses off his shirt and shimmies off his pants, revealing crappy ninja turtle boxers.  
The lack of privacy scared you, but you couldn't help but stare. Eventually, you tugged off your pants with a new feeling of boldness in your heart. Amai whistled with and raised her eyebrows in such a suggestive manner you couldn't help but laugh more, even though it hurt your stomach too.

She stepped out of the car and unclipped her bra, you looked down at the floor of the car once more and shut your eyelids tight.

"Oh come on, there isn't much to look at sweetheart, not yet at least." You looked up and noticed the lack of fat in her chest, however, you hardly spoke for a second.

"Identical twins have their limits." She simply replies, adjusting her panties. The moonlight reflected off of her dark skin and hair, making it appear shiny. The corners of her mouth quirked up and her dimples showed, revealing shiny white teeth beneath. You want to kiss her. 

Amai pulled her panties down and ran into the water, hitting the water with a crash, "It's fucking freezing! Hurry up and get in Dil, I need a little guy like you to keep a pretty girl like me warm." 

You grinned again, flashing the bird at her before pulling off the rest of your clothes. She was right, the water was freezing, and she held onto your hands and shivered, kissing you all over your face.

Ace got in eventually, throwing dirt at your faces and throwing Amai's bra into the lake. The three of you wrestled for the item of clothing.

You have never been happier.  
You are in love with Amai Morner.


	5. Humpty

Your head rested peacefully in her lap, she was going on another one of her long rants. 

"Dil, you don't understand! The shit they teach us in school about history is WAY wrong. Trust me, if you'd been there you would have understood." Amai speaks with passion spilling from her throat, "I don't care what anyone says, Marilyn was one of the smartest gals around!" 

"You weren't even born when Marilyn Monroe was around, quit acting like you were there." She winks at you with a smile.

"I'm a time traveler." She admits with a grin

"Keep dreaming, Morner. This isn't a comic book. You might dress like it's 1975, but that doesn't mean you can go there."

"Don't disrespect my fashion sense, boy. I can dress how I please, It's not my fault you dress like a cholo."

You throw your hands at her face and she giggles, moving your hands around anywhere away from her face. 

Your parents don't like Amai, they think she's a bad influence. She probably is, considering you never even thought of sneaking out before she came into your life. Or stripping naked in public and swimming around with your dick out like an idiot. Either way, they don't understand how she makes you feel. No one ever will.  
Amai makes you feel warm inside, with a sense of familiarity. You felt like you've known her for years like you could spill all of your secrets to those emerald eyes. You haven't ever felt like this towards anyone. It might have been love.

She left you. Or she leaves. After that day you didn't see her for months. It honestly felt like years, days spent alone staring at your ceiling. A feeling of nothingness quickly set in, and you started having those bad dreams again. 

A couple of times you managed to pull Ace aside and ask him about what the fuck is going on, but he doesn't budge, always grumbling about her having to, "Take care of things." 

Because of her absence, you tended to spend most of your days with him. Neither of you dared to discuss what happened that night as a forbidden barrier protected you from speaking about it. You did talk about other things though, most of them in the comfort of his shitty pick-up truck. 

Some nights he would admit a world of secrets to you. About his dad, and how he and Amai didn't even know each other until a couple of years back or even how he got each of the scars littered across his face. Other nights, he didn't speak at all. Those nights the two of you would just smoke in his car. 

Eventually, he opened up about his addiction. He would recall some days where he couldn't even go without a drink, a feeling of helplessness from falling in a hole so deep he couldn't emerge. Then he would take a puff from his cigarette and change the subject.  
Other than your time with Ace, you also spent your time with Charlotte. She wasn't much of a help. Despite being friends for years, you couldn't come to her with half of the stuff you came to Amai about, mostly out of a fear of being judged. So you were alone.

All alone.

Empty.


	6. I don't smoke.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " She hates you, she fucking hates you."

Amai did come back, eventually. You decided not to question the new scars and bruises, instead, you just let her lay her head on your lap and cry. She sobbed ugly tears, small hiccups in-between. You did what you wished someone would have done with you. You stayed quiet. You didn't whisper about how it was all going to be okay, because you knew that isn't what she wanted to hear. 

You consoled her, patting her back or running your fingers through her hair as she inaudibly mumbled things between her sobs. Her eyeliner ran messily down her cheeks and stained your jeans, but you didn't mind. 

When she did stop crying, she raised herself away from you, leaning against a wall. Her stance changed, more unwelcoming than anything as she let out a cold shudder, "I don't want to be around you anymore, I can't do this."

Your face went pale, "What?" 

"You heard me. I don't want you to be around me anymore, ever again." Her eyes trailed to your window, light peeking through it.

"Why? What did I do?" You're not going to cry, boys aren't supposed to cry.

"Just fucking listen to me, everything was a joke, I don't even like you. I hate being around you." Amai replies coldly.

Tears sprung into your eyes, threatening to fall, "What do you mean?"

"I left to get away from you." 

"You're joking right?"

"I hate you. I hope you die." Her voice didn't shake, and not an ounce of sympathy dripped from her voice. This was real. She hates you, she fucking hates you.

She slipped out your window with ease, her eyes refusing to meet yours. You watched her go, you weren't going to fight back or beg her to stay. You've never fought for a god damn thing in your life, why start now?

You shut your window with a slam and locked it, your fingers shaky. What did you do? Did you say something wrong? You're empty you can't take this.

You walk to your mirror and stare at the reflection. Whoever staring back is not you. You need to get rid of them.

Once your fist crash against the glass with a deafening crash against your carpet, you realize what's happening. Your hands brush against the glass on your carpet, blood spilling against the fabric from the cuts on your palms. 

It's too much.


	7. Brutus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING FOR IMPLIED ABUSE. PROCEED WITH CAUTION

You're eight years old, hiding underneath your couch and covering your ears. Your parents were fighting again, and It wasn't good to be near mom and dad when dad was angry. 

You could hear glass shattering against a wall, and screaming. It's okay though, since you have your teddy, and grandma promised that it would protect you no matter what. It's a little bit small but if it protects you from Daddy when he's mad then that's okay. You're also small, but you can protect yourself from him when he gets weird which makes you a warrior like Teddy.

You can hear the yells growing closer and you grip Teddy tighter, shutting your eyes tight when the blanket covering the couch is lifted. It's your dad, and he doesn't look happy.

"Get the fuck out of there, NOW." You crawl out and grip your bear tighter, slightly strangling him. 

"See, I asked you for a son and you gave me this fuckin faggot. He's hardly even a man, look at him with that stupid fucking bear your bitch of a mother gave him."

"Do not insult my mother like that, and you're the one who gave me that parasite. I was so young and beautiful, you ruined me. I could have seen the world!"

"Don't go on about your stupid dreams, Aki. You wanted this kid just as much as I did. Everything changed as soon as you realized you have to raise him." His hand raises and your mother flinches, cowering away in a corner.

He takes a step towards you, "You're no son of mine."

The memory is becoming blurry.

"The children I create are not cowards." Your father grabs your bear and holds it roughly by the neck.

This isn't right.

"They're not anything absent of perfection. You'll follow in suit." His voice booms, throwing your bear into the fire. 

No, no this isn't what happened, you guys took the car ride. You can remember clearly what happened, it's just not clicking. This isn't your dad.

When you wake up you're in a hospital room, bandages around your hands, neatly tucked around your fingers. Your head throbs, the bright lights in the room making nothing but shadows of the people surrounding you. 

A doctor is muttering quietly to himself, while Rebecca is writing away in her notebook. As soon as she realizes you're awake she throws her arms around you and tightly holds you against her.

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry about your little accident." She mumbles, her fingers softly threading through your hair.

"What?" 

"Conrad had gotten home and when he came in to check on you, he said you were rolling around on the floor, mumbling about... you know. You had another one of those episodes."

"Oh."

"It's okay though, sweet pea! We found somewhere they can help you deal with that stuff, after the nice doctor does the paperwork, they'll be taking you there." She assures you, continuing to leach onto your body. Rebecca usually isn't this nice.

"What place? I don't need to go anywhere." You mumbled, fiddling with your fingers and the bandages around them.

"It's a hospital for people who are, well like you. They ain't well in the head so they go there to help you." 

Oh.

You don't speak anymore. It's not worth arguing. You overreacted, and now you're going to be sent to a looney bin. You deserve this. You don't deserve anything good to happen to you. You're worthless. 

Wake up.


End file.
